This just in: Mariners intend to LOSE 116 games in 2007

According to John Hickey at the Seattle P-I, the ten remaining season ticket holders for the Mariners were informed by mail that both GM Bill Bavasi and incompetent field manager Mike Hargrove would keep their current positions through 2007.

The following is the offending text in the alleged letter from co-moron leaders Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong:

''We believe we have the right people in place to get the job done. Bill Bavasi will continue to lead our baseball operations and Mike Hargrove will continue to manage the team.

''We believe they are the right people to lead us to the next level. We have great confidence in their abilities. In our view, continuity of leadership is extremely important at this point in time.''

Soooooo, Lincoln and Armstrong are announcing that they "believe in" the ability of Bavasi (questionable) and Hargrove (open guffaw) to "lead us to the next level." Unless by "next level" they mean "next level down in Dante's vision of Hell," then their newfound faith sounds eerily like one of those cults in which everyone commits ritual suicide at the moment the alien ship is to land and open Heaven's Gate. Someone needs to order some straitjackets for these clowns, stat. Or at the very least, put their tinfoil hats back in place on their heads.

I can't TAKE another season with the Human Brain Delay in charge.

Mariners fans, I urge you to look away from the train wreck that is team ownership. Do something else...ANYTHING else. Maybe I will experiment with a tinfoil faceguard that interferes with Mariners broadcasts.

You know, by the way, that this moronic decision HAS to be the reason that Ron Fairly retired. He can't watch this team, day in and day out, knowing that idiots shall lead us.