Evil Epiphany

You know, now we're descending to the level of truly bad teams. Let's take a quick look at the terrain down here at the bottom of the majors:

Tampa Bay Devil Rays - Cool hat, lots of minor league prospects of note (including the reprehensible bat launching Delmon Young). The Rays have never experienced any kind of success at the major league level, but at least that's been their plan? 21-31 record, on their own personal five-game losing streak.

Kansas City Royals - Yikes. This franchise is taking on water as we speak. Their GM, Allard Baird, chose to sign a bunch of nondescript veterans to one-year contracts (Doug Mientkiewicz, Mark Grudzielanek, Reggie Sanders, Mark Redman, etc.) rather than look to the future. The future IS potentially a little brighter in KC than their current 13-37 record, as the Royals own such talents as Alex Gordon, Billy Butler, and Justin Huber, but they have traditionally blocked and slowed prospects for no apparent reason.

Washington Nationals - The team with no owner for the last several seasons finally has one, or at least potentially has one. The most interesting this team has been (other than its remarkable first half in 2005, leading the NL East briefly) was last week when starting "catcher" Matt LeCroy couldn't throw out any opposing Astros on the basepaths, and forced Frank Robinson to replace him defensively with Robert Fick. Robinson cried during the press conference after the game, and commentators were wondering why that was. Let me say it again: Robert Fick came in as a DEFENSIVE replacement.

Florida Marlins - Their payroll prevents this team from having anyone paid like Adrian Beltre or Richie Sexson. But, despicable current owner or no, they've won two World Series titles since their creation in 1991, and the kids up on the big-league club right now are impressing. Still, their 17-33 record was expected.

Pittsburgh Pirates - I went out on a quick run to the grocery store yesterday, not really paying attention to my schizophrenic garb. As it happens, I was wearing a Pirates T-shirt and a Mariners hat. The person who noticed this asked me about how the Pirates were doing this year. Sad. The Pirates are a team with a little positive history from the pre-Tatonka decades, but nothing exciting in the last few years. Like the Royals, their management has been very reluctant to allow prospects to contribute, so this season has mostly been a positive in that direction, with pitching prospects aplenty in the rotation. Still, 18-34.

Chicago Cubs - This team has an offense worse than ours, and a manager reputed for shredding talented pitchers' arms. It also has a Curse, and a long history, and a great historic ballpark, and devoted fans all over the place. Admit it, you'd like to have a Seattle-based cable superstation broadcasting Mariners' games to the entire nation. This season, though, the Cubs have been exposed at 20-31 as posers.

There you have it, the worst teams in 2006. Now, by comparison, our M's stand out as the BEST team in this group, with a stellar .407 winning percentage. But this is what we've been reduced to...we're the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, minus hope for the future (plus a great stadium). We're the Cubbies, without the huge fan base that embraces suckitude. We're the Royals or Pirates, without the prospects and without any plan for acquiring any. We're the Nationals with an owner.

Depressing.