Secret Tatonka Files: The GM interviews, part 2

More exciting messages-from-the-near future, spit out of our Tatonka Think Tank multipurpose fax/shredder/Pong console/hot plate with no originating phone number, and dated 2 February 2007....

Mr. L: Congratulations for making it to the final round of interviews. We have intentionally made this a grueling process in order to prepare the new General Manager for his job.

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: We've already gone over your qualifications, so today I just have one last test of your loyalty and business acumen. Ready?

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: Very good. Imagine this scenario: you have been GM for three offseasons wrapped around two baseball seasons. The team has, under your careful guidance (following our secret coded directions to the letter, of course) improved from a 63-win disaster, to a 69-win disaster, to a nearly-respectable 78-win (but still last place) season. During that steady improvement, you have managed to assemble a solid core of young players oozing with the ability to separate fans from their money (quick, how many Bloomquist jerseys did we sell last year, Chuck? Hahahahaha!).

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: Now we get to my question. Given the mysterious (terribly mysterious) belief of some of those militant fans that we mentioned earlier that the team owes them a winner on the field (the nerve!), how would you propose to spend, say, $15M and a star relief pitcher?

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: Good instinct. Alright, we secretly signal to you that what we need are pitchers to replace the outgoing members of the rotation, and what we want are players who can inspire some hope of contention amongst the majority of the temporary holders of our money.

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: Wonderful! We instruct you to trade the star reliever for Horacio Ramirez...

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: and then spend the money on free agents Jose Guillen and Miguel Batista.

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: Exactly right! We're going after players with SEVEN-LETTER LAST NAMES!!! We feel that there's a market inefficiency here, and we intend to exploit it. Nothing sells replica jerseys so quickly as an aesthetically-pleasing name on the back, and seven letters makes for a perfectly symmetrical presentation. It's genius!

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: You seem to be a perfect fit for the organization. The one real question that we have is still that issue regarding public relations, as it is not clear how a fruit can possibly handle the press. Then again, you've come through this interview with flying colors! Shall we shake, ehhh, how about if I brush your leaves? Is that...a deal? Excellent! You start right away. Your first task is to fire your predecessor.

Mr. P: ...

Mr. L: We'd better watch out, or you'll have our jobs soon [nervous chuckles in the background]...