Sunday, April 02, 2006

Fake Opening Day!!

Welcome to the annual day of extreme optimism amongst all baseball fans: tomorrow the season really starts, while today we get a made-for-TV pale reflection of the real thing. Spring Training is coming to a close with multiple DFA, DL, and other early April transactions.

Plus the powers that be stole an hour of sleep from me last night.

As Mariners' fans, we have every right to be optimistic about our team's chances. Still, it is probably better to temper our optimism, since 2006 looks like it's shaping up to be another near-100 loss season. I just can't come up with any scenario in which the Mariners escape the cellar this season, as the Angels are still good, the A's are better, and the Rangers have improved despite some odd moves by their baby GM.

My predictions for this season's AL West, as meaningless as anyone else's who cannot actually see the future, are as follows:

Nationwide Century-Spanning Athletics Currently of Oakland

90 - 72

788 Runs Scored
702 Runs Allowed

Annual Central Time Zone AL West Champion Don't-Mess-With Texas Rangers

83 - 79

897 Runs Scored
873 Runs Allowed

Pacific Rim Angels of Near San Diego, Near Los Angeles, Near Mexico, Almost Connected by Water to Asia, Practically Representing the Entire Solar System, of Anaheim


83 - 79

762 Runs Scored
746 Runs Allowed

Microsoft Anime Mariners of the Seven Seas Who Play Way Too Close to Harbor Island

68 - 94

697 Runs Scored
823 Runs Allowed



There we have it: 2006 in a nutshell. The top three teams and their fans will have an exciting, enjoyable summer of baseball in which the division title is tightly contested all year.

Then there's the hapless, directionless Mariners. All we really have to root for is that Carl Everett is kept very far away from King Felix all season, so future seasons are not put into jeopardy. It certainly SEEMS like we ought to enjoy more optimism, but the more I analyze, the more this offseason looks like a disaster for the long-term health of the club. Check that...the more that the entire Bavasi administration looks like a disaster. I'm sure that Mr. Bavasi is a nice guy who knows a lot more about baseball than I do. The competence that I presume he has is just not evident from the results.

Here's hoping that I completely suck at forecasting. (THERE it is! Fake Opening Day Optimism!)

2 Comments:

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