Ding Dong!

Yes, Boys and Girls, the witch is dead! Mike Hargrove, aka the Human Brain Delay, aka Numbnuts, has resigned as Mariner's manager. In the middle of a 6 game winning streak. Officially, Hargrove says his "passion has begun to fade." I'm calling bullshit.

Tatonka proudly presents the top 10 actual reasons Hargrove decided to leave.

10. Pissed off that the Ichi-roll has replaced hot dogs in clubhouse spread.
9. Wants to leave and come back to get an ovation like that Junior kid.
8. Jealous that John McLaren's parking spot reads Mgr(Soon enough).
7. Fucking Broussard keeps throwing it in his face by, you know, hitting.
6. Recent convert to Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. Leaving to spread the gospel.
5. That Bavasi dude looks just like Jay Buhner! Creepy!
4. Jeff Weaver stubbornly refuses to pass the Dutchie! Its selfish, man!
3. Buhner keeps grabbing his ass.
2. Upset that team shaved off his terrible goatee during clubhouse prank.

And the number one reason Mike Hargrove is really leaving the Mariners:

Entering Rehab. Daughter threatened to post video of him shirtless, drunk and eating a hamburger!

Rey Frickin' Ordonez

Its like they said, hey, we're going down in flames this year, lets see if we can make someone's head explode! I know, lets keep Ordonez!

Dude never could hit and every defensive metric on the planet suggests his defense is way overrated. He's one of those guys that looks super smooth, but in reality doesn't get to that many balls and makes a ton of errors.

The fact of the matter of course is that HarGroan's bench doesn't matter anyway. Once a week he can pinch run Bloomquist for Sexson or Ibanez or K-Joh and about as often, he'll pinch hit Broussard for one of the middle infielders. Now he can do both in the same game! Woot!

Divison title here we come!